Chapter 8

Here is another excerpt from chapter 8 of my book:

I met Mike Sacco, the father of my twins, through a drug deal. Mike was 31 years old, had a pronounced limp, and was a severe alcoholic and drug addict.
Mike had a disgusting apartment that was cockroach infested. Mike's brother Dominic lived in the same apartment building. Dominic did a lot of methamphetamine, which Mike also did on a regular basis. As a result, I started doing meth more frequently. I was also smoking pot everyday.
Mike had 9 brothers and sisters by three different fathers. Everyone of them were alcoholics and or drug addicts.
After passing out one night, I woke up, in the middle of the night, to the feel of something on my cheek. There was a cockroach on my cheek! Another  night, I woke up to find a cockroach crawling up my arm. I was traumatized and had a panic attack. This started my phobia with cockroaches.
Mike and I rented a house together in Hastings,Nebraska. Around October of 1997, I instinctively knew I was pregnant. I took a home pregnancy test that confirmed what I already knew. I was terrified, because I did not have a spouse that I could rely on to help me, plus my obsessive compulsive disorder was still not manageable.
However, I knew I needed an obstetrician. My friend recommended a highly reputable obstetrician in Hastings. His name was Dr. Mitchell.
When I arrived at his office for my appointment, he did a health history. I was upfront about my OCD and told him about the medications that I had been taking. I told him that I stopped taking them as soon as I found out I was pregnant.
Then he did an ultrasound,and told me I was pregnant with twins. Although I had been feeling a great deal of ambivalence about being pregnant, I was elated about the prospect of carrying twins. What Dr. Mitchell said next absolutely knocked the air right out of me.
He said, "Having taken in account you'd OCD and the medication you were on, I recommend you have an abortion. I adamantly exclaimed, " No"! He asked me what I planned on doing. I told him since I am only a couple of months pregnant, it is not imperative that I make any permanent decisions right now. But I told him I was carrying these babies to term no matter what else happens. He replied, "Why don't you be fair to these babies?" I said, "What's fair is to kill them?" He said the most fair thing would have been to have never gotten pregnant in the first place.
The last thing he said was, in order for him to be my doctor, I had two options. One is to have an abortion. The second is to resume the medication I was taking and then give the babies up for adoption. He said, however I  would have a hard time finding anybody who wants to adopt them, because of all of the damage the medication will do to them. I told him thank you but I will find another doctor.

Scripture verse:
"The Lord reached down from on high and took hold of me: he drew me out of deep waters. He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me" Psalm 18:16&19.